i leave the station with no confidence on how to call a cab. i don't. i walk 45 minutes to 798 lafayette ave. and enter and find C. he's going to bed, he has to run 15 miles tomorrow. he is tired and he is so sorry. i am sorry, i am tired. i charge my phone, he gives me water with electrolytes, even though i don't ask. S. and G. are home, and he is sleeping on the couch. i call a lyft, he's here. C. walks me out and hug.
we leave alibi with Q. and the squad from last night. we are outside waiting; S. offers a place for C. and i. i feel very weird and maybe stupid. i feel like. i feel like i want to be with him. we walk to the subway and part ways. we gossip on the platform, my phone dies. M. and L. convince me to meet S. G. C.. i cross the platform and can't findem. not there
there are only so many types of people and batteries, although the world seems to be infinite. it takes a certain amount of fortitude to live and be happy. there is not a way, there is not a direction, there is only meaning and circles of light. there is only what is in between, and there is only room for what we have and care about. i feel like i don't care that much about anything.
this weekend has invited a lot of feelings. i'm going to work through them now. i have first a feeling of excitement about C. he is such a cool guy and really a good vibe. he is also trying to figure things out, but he is excited and he cares. he has long hair and runs at boston college. he is stylish and fun to be with. we are mostly good at talking.
under certain circumstances, i feel sad about my life. i don't have a direction and i don't have a bubble. i don't have a shell to shrink into anymore. i am out. there is no right and wrong there is only feeling, and even that is fleeting. there is a sense of verbal panic and difficulty communicating. there is only so much time.
it takes a lot of energy to live in a city and get around. there is not much escape from the expanse of concrete that is here. maintenance is difficult and so is transportation. but the city is full of delights and friends, these days everyone wants to be in new york.
first night at J.'s no sheets, wake and decline a run, stay in bed. L. calls and we plan meetup here then met at 12:30. C. and L. arrive while i'm talking to J. on the couch. i introduce them, J. gives us her membership card. we walk to the met.
we wake up around 9am, we get ready with coffee. M. does her group project. we walk to get bagels, its raining. we walk through the farmer's market. we walk to broad nosh. we eat and walk. we get home and eat some more and drink coffee. we get ready
L. leaves to meet his friend in soho, M. and i stay and sit. we sit until we lie down and then we leave to meet K. and L. we sit there. we talk and lie down. we walk to 26th and shop. i can't find a good pair of boots.
S. meets us and we get burgers we then sit and eat and it’s greasy. we walk some more and decide to walk home to nap. C. is tired. the squad comes to J.'s and we nap in the sun and laugh and talk. we enjoy.
met lady says the card is non-transferrable. she sells us $17 student tix instead, my card declines. we see the ancient egypt and costume design exhibits and talk. C. is having a rough day. we walk to get food.
i'm thinking about living and it makes me sad, there are fleeting moments that frequently cause me happiness. there is an astounding amount of alone and fear and embarassment, but even that i don't care about.
drink our beers in the grass and talk. its cold and C. is wearing M.'s brandy top. we walk to a restaurant so the girls can pee. we pull up on the scaffolding while we wait. police cars are everywhere.
we take the F train to brooklyn and post at alibi. we sit outside and listen to the music and smell the cold smokey air. we sit and talk and drink. we buy another beer. C. is hungry.
we leave and walk. we eat and buy food. we leave and walk and then sit with the dog and lie down. we post. we watch gilmore girls. we drink coffee and leave for J.'s.
we sit and get ready. we walk to pig and khao to meet muir and laura. we have dinner. the food is salty and M. seems tired. we leave and i walk home to J.'s.
rooftop squad: C., L., Q., D., G., blonde girl: T's friend-ish, R., S., M. talk and video and photo and beer and talk and see
C. and i leave to get a snack. we walk to a grocery and get olives, salami, and cheese. we sit outside and talk about friends. we talk and eat. we eat.
talk and see for two-three hours, i'm tired and we're not leaving. lining up to say goodbye, up and down the stairs to pee and backpack. goodbye.
i meet M. at the fence and she tells me they took the G. i write the address, direction, station on my hand. i leave and try to find the G.
back at the bar i drink a red stripe. its a sweet lager, cute bottle. i post w C., arm around him. we talk. and we drink some beer.
we get ready for going back out, we take the train to soho, takes forever and we are all tire.d then we shop and don't buy anything.
the lyft takes about an hour. the roads are wide and winding, you can't see much from the car. i cross back to manhattan.
i get home and find M. and L. dancing in the bedroom. we make a sandwich and i sleep on the couch.
L. and C. are too drunk, dead phones, M. calls them an uber to 798 laffayette, brooklyn.
i'm sitting alone in J.'s guest room. this trip has been spectacular. here is a recount:
beers: 3, voodoo ranger. train to somewhere mysterious (F train I think maybe D)
hartley's -